Year End Journal Entry

Regardless of the title, this isn't anything to do with accounting!  At least not in the financial sense! I do think of taking time to think about Gods Word and what it means to me in my life as a way of being accountable, so in my mind it's kind of like accounting!  For example I am advised in
James 1:22-25 "Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves.  Do what it says.  Anyone who listens  to the word but does not do what it says is like someone who looks at his face in a mirror and, after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like.  But whoever looks intently into the perfect law that gives freedom, and continues in it- not forgetting what they have heard, but doing it- they will be blessed in what they do."

There've been many years of my life that right around New Years Eve I would take time to look over the past year and journal the experiences and do some self evaluation.  I would look to see, "am I growing as a Christian or have I  moved further away from God?".  Still to this day, I try to keep that tradition an ongoing thing.  And Simply and Honestly I believe God has  used this time of remembering and evaluating to help me grow in Christ.

I think a big part of why I do this is because on New Years Eve in 1982 I knew I had done some things that did not please God.  Our church was ringing in the New Year with what they called a watch night service.  I remember going forward to accept communion and feeling in my heart that I needed to ask God for forgiveness for the wrong that I'd done.  And THAT night is where I decided to follow Jesus.  Not just because Mom and Dad and my brother were all Chrisitians, but because I felt God calling me to Him.  That is when my Christian journey really began.  That is when I fell in love with Jesus and searched the Bible to see why do I believe what I believe?  How do I know that what I believe is right versus all the other doctrines and religions of the world?

Looking back on it now, that's some pretty deep stuff for a 12, almost 13 year old to think about. That must have been God leading me!  I spent most of my teen years reading in my Bible and honing in on the parts that answered my questions.  There was a new desire in my life to want to do right.  So that is where and when my journey to follow Christ for myself began. I think I was 15 or 16 when I started this year end in review/ journaling.

As far as this past year is concerned, it's been a year that I've experienced some close encounters in which I thought my life was coming to an end!  Never have I faced the things I've experienced this past year. Honestly, I feel God has given me my life back.

Here's a weird perspective on this new lease I have on life: my grandmother is exactly double my age this year.  She still gets around, both she and my grandfather are an inspiration to me of what faithfulness means, even in the face of hardship, they've remained true to God and to each other.  That wasn't the point I was making about my grandmother being exactly twice my age, but I had to share that!  My point is, if I live to be as old as she then I have lived half of my life up to this point.

With that thought in mind, I want to make the second half of my life count for more!  I am looking forward to the year ahead as a year to accomplish great things!  Throughout my life I can see God has  custom fit the events to put me here, now at this time in this place and at this age for a higher purpose than to just live a comfortable life.  I believe this is what you call getting out of your comfort zone!  Regardless may 2015 be a year spent for a higher purpose!
Proverbs 29:18 "When people do not accept divine guidance, they run wild.
But whoever obeys the law is joyful."

All I Want For Christmas

Just recently I heard on The Message, my Serious XM satellite, go to radio station the following, "It's a sign of old age when someone asks you, "What do you want for Christmas", and you can't think of anything.  Then when you do finally think of something, it's something that can just be picked up at CVS."  That one made me laugh and nod in agreement!

Oh well, I may be getting older but along with that I'm getting wiser!  Wisdom comes with experience and experience comes from making mistakes. Taking the time to learn from those mistakes does indeed give one experience!  And I've surely made my fair share of them, just ask Steve! Uh, on second thought maybe not! :)

With the years of hearing the Christmas story, growing up in the church, hearing it at home, reading it In my alone time with God and then running full circle of teaching it to our son, and bringing him to church, it is easy to just gloss over it. I mean by my age, even if I'd only heard it once a year I've heard the Christmas story at least, 40 + times by now! (Not divulging my exact age in this format!) :)

So how does one make it fresh and new?  Actually it's not my job to make it fresh and new.  Well I do have to put forth the desire, but God is the One who makes it fresh every year! As for this year, God has already given me a new, old truth that I remeber learning around the age of 13 or 14. Michael is fourteen this year and I don't know why, but that is one period of my life that I remember vividly!

I remember learning the meaning of my name, which means Pure, or Pure one, around that time. Learning the meaning of my name put the desire in me to live up to it!  I also remember a fill in Pastor in our church, Rev. Jack Pease talking about the virgin  Mary.  He spoke of how she was probably very young, maybe 15 years old and God had chosen her to be the mother of the Messiah.
She was just a common girl, not of royalty, there was nothing that drew attention to her. And yet in her young innocence she chose to live in such a way, that God would pick her to be the mother to His son.

Rev. Pease challenged us to be that kind of man or woman.  That when God is looking for someone to use for His plan, that He would choose you!  Now, I know, that God uses people who've messed up.  People who were totally not perfect by any stretch of the imagination!  Look at the apostle Paul, he murdered Christians, in the form of what he thought was the right thing to do!Yet God revealed Himself to Paul and he was a different man! He then went on to be one of the first missionaries of the gospel and he wrote nearly 1/2 of the New Testament!  So I know better than to think that God only uses the perfect, the holy, the elite!  And Romans 3:23 makes it very clear that we've all sinned and
have fallen short of God's glory. Also, Isaiah states that, " all of our righteousness is as filthy rags".  (Isaiah 64:6).  Even if we do everything to our best, humanly speaking, it's still not good enough to come into the presence of a holy God!

After having said all of that, even Mary, would have been imperfect and in need of having her sins
forgiven!  Yet God saw her hearts desire! The desire to do what is right and pleasing to God!  There is something to be said of the one whose grown up in the church and has chosen to follow Jesus.  A life that has been spared the the consequences of rebelling and reaping the results of that rebellion.

There are no garuntees that the son we are raising will always choose the "narrow" path.  But I have thrown out this challenge to him that Rev. Pease threw out to our church when I was a teen!  Strive to be that kind of person that when God is looking for someone to use, that He'd choose you!  I pray that Steve and I as parents are faithful to practice what we preach!


Simply and Honestly, the only gift I want, really can't be bought at CVS.  It can only be bought through the life that Jesus gave when He died for our sins and paid the price.  What I want for
Christmas is to know that we've have been faithful to pass the baton onto our son.  To see him to continue to make that choice  and live for God!  No pressure on Steve and I as parents!

Always Only For My King

It's crazy the things God uses to make me more like Him and less of me.  When normal activities are withheld from ones life, well at first it's nice to just rest and allow the body to heal.  Then after a while it's easy to become stir crazy!  Just to be able to vacuum and mop the floors, at this point almost feels like a luxury. Oh! Did I just say that?   Notice I did say ALMOST! And sorry, but I'm just able to do our own, so please don't volunteer me to come do yours!

 But that's the truth!  Then to be able to do work in the yard with caution of course- it felt like I am a contributing member of this family again, more than just doing laundry and dishes! And dare I say it, to finally be able to mow the lawn, felt like I was back in the saddle again! (Yesterday, November 25th was my first time to mow in 4 months!)

I'm just thinking about how wonderful it feels to be able to do these things again! If you'd told me a year ago I'd be this grateful for these things, I would have laughed and thought you were joking!  I am so thankful  to be able to mow. Being able to mow, means my son can just be a student and focus on his a;ready full plate of, School, Teen Quizzing, Science Center education and Taekwondo.  It all keeps him pretty busy.  To be able to vacuum and mop the floors helps me to keep our place somewhat inhabitable.  Which makes our house a safe haven to call home, where there is order and structure.  YES! I was finally able to do some organizing last week!  It's amazing how many piles of things were just sitting around awaiting being put back in their proper places!  And how many things needed to be thrown out!

I have an idea that God may have permitted the unusual events of our summer with my being in and out of the hospital, to teach me a thing or two!  I know I even wrote a post about what is my lesson in all of this in which I shared some of the events that God was using to shape my life.  But now looking
back from this perspective I see life!  God has granted you and I life and breath!   Never have I felt so thankful to be alive!  Never have I felt the desire to make the most of my time.  Investing my time,
energies and talents  for a higher purpose than to please myself.  Moses prayer in Psalm 90:12 has a new meaning  to me, "Teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom. "(‭Psalm‬ ‭90‬:‭12‬ NIV). And yet in giving my all to God, He in turn has blessed me immensely, Psalm 103:5 says, "...who satisfies your desires with good things so that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s." This Thanksgiving I am  so thankful that God has restored my body from the trauma that I experienced this past summer.  I am thankful for life and to be alive.  To be able to use the gifts, talents and abilities, and the experiences God has brought me through for His purposes.  It's not all about what's in it for me.  Not that it ever was, but now more than ever I see this life as something precious to be valued. To live without regrets! To make the most of the time I am given,
as James puts it,"Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. (‭James‬ ‭4‬:14‬ NIV)

Another way I'm looking at life differently these days is to let the special people in my life know how
much they mean to me!  And a big way I see that is by celebrating their lives by remembering their
Birthdays, and to let them know their life has impacted mine. To let them know, I'm thankful to God that He brought our paths together.

By the way God has really blessed me with some amazing friends who are such encouragers and down to Earth people that I can just be myself with.  And for family I am one blessed gal, to be brought up in a home that showed love and taught me how to live, laugh and love!  It's not the stuff I can accumulate that I'm as thankful for as it is the people God's blessed me with.  Friends and family mean much more to me these days!

This was longer than I intended, but Simply and Honestly this day of Thanksgiving I'm so thankful
for the life God has given me and for my family and the many special friends that are in my life.  God's blessings just seem to be overflowing and I cannot begin to Thank God enough for each of you who've made a difference in my life! In the only way I can even begin to Thank God for His goodness and blessings in my life I give Him everything, always, only for my King.
This song is my Thanksgiving prayer:

Take My Life

Take my life and let it be

consecrated, Lord, to Thee.

Take my moments and my days,

let them flow in ceaseless praise.

Take my hands and let them move

at the impulse of Thy love.

Take my feet and let them be

swift and beautiful for Thee.

Take my voice and let me sing

always, only for my King.

Take my lips and let them be

filled with messages from Thee.

Take my silver and my gold

not a mite would I withhold.

Take my intellect and use

every power as You choose.

Chorus:

Here am I, all of me

Take my life, it's all for Thee.

Take my will and make it Thine

it shall be no longer mine.

Take my heart it is Thine own

it shall be Thy royal throne.

Take my love, my Lord I pour

at Your feet its treasure store

Take myself and I will be

ever, only, all for Thee.

Here am I, all of me.

Take my life, it's all for Thee

(Take my life, Lord take my life. Take all of me)

Here am I, all of me.

Take my life, it's all for Thee

The season of Thankfulness

They say wisdom comes with age and Proverbs 20:29b says, ". . . the gray hair of experience is the splendor of the old."  A few weeks ago when We as a family were traveling with my Mother in law we had made a pit stop at a Travel Plaza.  While there the lighting was pretty bright compared to the energy efficient light bulbs we have at home.  As I looked in the mirror I noticed quite a bit more gray in my hair than I'd realized I had!  I asked my M.I.L. Is it just the lighting in here or do I have this much gray hair?  She laughed and confirmed my fear that I did have that much, but quickly assured me that it looked real nice, kind of like I'd had a nice frost job done!  Thanks (I think)!

So now I wonder who gave me all these gray hairs, was it Steve or was it Michael?!  Between the two, of them I've earned every one of those gray hairs! ;)  There's an old Amy Grant song that was released around the time Steve and I were engaged.  It's  called, Oh How The Years Go By.  Part of the lyrics are,"Oh how the years go by. We fight, we laugh, we cry as the years go by..."  No, thankfully we rarely "fight" we've had our shares of laughter and great times together and we've tasted of the bitter cup of grief.  But through it all and by Gods hand we are still together after 18 years of marriage! And we are stronger for it because we've weathered the storms and have come through on the other side victorious! Now I will say this, were it not for God and His keeping grace we would not have weathered those storms!  We owe so much to God and His power to keep two totally different people and yet somehow make us one!  In regards to that old Amy Grant song the years definitely get better as they fly by!  We've both changed in many ways and for the good.  Steve has definitely helped me to grow into the person I am today and I really hope that I've been the same to him!

This is the season of Thankfullness and as I take a few moments to reflect on God's goodness in our lives, I feel so unworthy of God's blessings in my life! I thank Him for loving me when there was nothing good in me. I thank Him for daily helping me to grow and become more like Jesus!  I'm thankful God doesn't walk out on us, that He is patient and forgiving. That He doesn't settle for less
than our all!  Wow and I'm just getting started!

Then there's the blessing of being a wife and a mom, of having a husband who loves and provides for his family!  All of our needs God has provided for and many of our wants.  Oh may I never take Gods blessings in my life for granted!

I know for me personally through many years God is helping me to not be a complainer, and if you catch me complaining you have my permission to stop me in my tracks and call me on it!  But on the flip side of that is the aspect of thankfullness.  If I'm busy looking for the things to be thankful for, then maybe, just maybe I won't have time to notice the things nagging at me to complain about! A passage that God has used to challenge me in this area is, Phillipians 2:14-15, which says, "Do everything without grumbling or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure, “children of God without fault in a warped and crooked generation.” Then you will shine among them like stars in the sky.

Simply and honestly maybe with these new gray hairs that are the splendor of the old and indicate life's experience, are a way that God is making a new and better me. One who complains less and is more thankful.

Striving to be That Kind of Mom

Well, I'm entering that stage of Motherhood that says it's time to let my son go and spread his wings.  No, he isn't headed for college, but if at 13 almost 14 I don't start  the process of letting go, begin, he'll be depending on Mom and Dad when it's time to strike out on his own.  It's a tough balancing act!  Somedays we don't see eye to eye on anything.  Sometimes I get a break and we laugh and make memories I'll cherish long after he leaves home! It was easier when he was younger and we'd go through these times where he'd test the boundaries and I let him know where they were with definitive consequences. After a period of  say a week of that type of behavior we'd be back to my compliant son who respected those boundaries.

As a side note, there was a time when Michael was in first grade and he'd get distracted at school.  It seemed he was ending up in the principals office every day. I'd been talking to him at home about what was going on, and felt he was trying but he was having difficulty.  I've taught enough kids to read and I knew he was smart, but I did notice his reading did not take off as I'd expected.
Finally I got a double edged idea!  I laid down the law.  I let him know he would get the spanking of his life if he got in trouble and ended up in the principals office!  Now to make the stakes the highest I could I promised him if he succeeded at not ending up in the principals office I'd do something great, we'd go to Chuck E Cheese or something of that caliber.  Well I hate to report but he DID end up in the principals office for not following through and doing his seat work.  So, true to my word I pulled out the belt.  As I was getting ready to make the first swat, he cries and says, "Mommy, you're the only one who understands me, you and Jesus!"  Well that kind of broke this Mommy's heart!  I did end up going to bat for my son with his teacher, and we began to look into what the reasons were as to why he was having  such a difficult time sitting and following through on seat work ect.  We did find out a year and a half later that in addition to vision problems that he was diagnosed with ADHD.

Now back to 13 almost 14.  We've had this struggle lately and the other night I was exasperated, frustrated and to the point of tears. It started hitting me, that my little boy is growing up and wanting space AWAY from his Mom.  That hurt!!  I prayed for God to help us figure out what to do!  How do I handle this?  Time to pull out some psychology books or child rearing books or something!  What happened next, I believe was God's answer to my brief prayers of help me figure this out Lord!  Finally at bed time, Michael exclaims," I feel like you're babying me!".  In response to this I told him, "I feel like you're not respecting me!".  Then it hit me, we can build on this now that we've both expressed what we're feeling.  So before we turned out the lights and said good night, we shook on a plan to point out to the other when we're doing it again.  And we agreed to make the needed adjustments.  Since that night, things have been smoother!   It's only been four days since then, but at least we understand each other!

This Tues Oct. 7, 2014 marks the 8th anniversary of my Mother's death.  There's so much I could say here, but I will try to convey how remarkable my Mom was and how I'm striving to be the kind of Mom she was!  I turned out largely due to her consistent example and I don't think my brother nor I turned out all that bad!  She was a level headed parent.  She was not too lenient, nor was she such a stickler for rules that we couldn't wait to break away. She loved God and lived to give of her time talents and energy for God and His kingdom.  That was not just something she did as a front when we were in church.  She lived it at home.  Teaching us to pray, living how to give, leading by example.  I remember a time she shared her love for God's Word when I was in 2nd or 3rd grade.  She would read her Bible before going into work and facing the world.  She shared in church about how Moses talked to God face to face and just shared her renewed love for God's Word.  She'd listen to the song More Than Wonderful by Sandi Patti and Laranel Harris, which talks of God being a Counselor and of God's love for His children. To this day that passage of Scripture in Exodus is so special to me as is that song.

As I am reading a book by Dr. Kevin Leman called Have A New You By Friday, I'm realizing that my parenting skills will greatly affect how my son will face the challenges of life, work and responsibility.  I'm striving by God's grace to be the kind of parent who is neither too lenient nor too strict!  Simply and Honestly when we follow God's plan for parenting and we live it out in front of our kids, who see us even in the dark, who listen when we don't even realize they're listening, we are laying the groundwork for how they will respond to life and to God's design for their lives!

These are just some thoughts going through my mind as I think of this point in Motherhood as I reflect on my Mom whom God healed when He took her home.  Sometimes life is hard, but I'm so thankful that even on the rough days God is there with us in the middle of the pain or the hardship.  God never leaves and He's waiting for us to call on Him.  I'm learning to do that more and more these days!  God IS more than wonderful!!

Third Times the Charm?

This morning as I sat down and was getting ready to have my devotions these words came to mind,

 "...through many dangers, toils and snares I have already come;
"Tis Grace that brought me safe thus far
and Grace will lead me home. ..."

Life has a way of having it's twists and turns.  Sometimes things are going so smoothly that I forget to ask God for His help on any given situation or need.  Then, bam, right in my face, is a situation that is totally out of my control and all I can do is cry out to God for help!

The last month of summer for this year has been a concentrated form of, right in your face situations that all I could do is simply ask God to help me!  I know I've already written of two horrific episodes when I really thought I was fighting for my life.  For whatever reasons, God brought yet a third situation during this concentrated learn to lean on God time in my life! So the following  is the third situation which takes on a new twist!

Once again in looking back I see so many pieces of the puzzle that point to God's intervention in my life!  For starters, because of the hemorrhaging problems that sent me into the ER twice and into emergency surgery twice, my husband was fearful of leaving me alone.  He did need to be out of town on business and made arrangements for my Mother in Law to stay with me.  She had an appointment and would be gone during the day, Michael was in school, but Heather, a friend from church offered to come over and help with anything that she could!

We visited quite a bit and she did help with some housework.  But I remember her telling me, you've got to be aggressive in dealing with the doctors and medical personnel.  Ask questions, document and follow up.  Throughout that day I kept having pain in my chest.  I thought it was probably related to anxiety and just put the thought from my mind that it could possibly be anything else.

Heather left around 2pm and I remember having that pain come back, more intense this time.  I decided to be aggressive after getting the pep talk from Heather.  So I called my family doctor and asked to speak with a nurse!  The nurse told me to take my blood pressure while she was on the phone with me and so I did. It was: 167/110!  She told me to go to the emergency room that she did not even need to ask the doctor what I should do, but to just go!

As God would arrange it, my Mother in Law got home while I was still on the phone with the nurse. And so, she was able to drive me right to the ER!  Michael was able to go to his friend's house thanks to his friend's mom, Amy being aware of my situation said anytime I needed help to let her know!  See here again- God's provisions, Heather prompting me, my Mother in laws timely return, my friend being able to care for my son!

This time in the ER I was not bleeding to death!  I was apprehensive, but nothing like the other two times.  Immediately when I told them my BP was elevated and I was having chest pains they took me back! They ran an EKG so fast on me. At the time the EKG didn't show anything and so they arranged for me to have a cat scan of my chest.  The ER doctor said it was a precautionary measure to rule out any blood clot to the lungs.  I said it's probably just anxiety. my thinking was, after having 3 surgeries in less than a month's time, my body is suffering from that trauma. The ER doctor told me that right at that time there was a man in surgery because he thought it was just anxiety and they had found a clot on the lungs.  So he assured me that they were going to be thorough and check everything out due to the recent surgeries.

That is when I started to get a little nervous. But still thinking it would be treatable and I'd be home that evening.  WRONG!  After waiting the ER doctor came back and explained that they did indeed find a clot on my lungs. (Time to panic! No!  Hold on to God!)  Will this mean another surgery?  I need to get a text or call in to Steve!  He is not going to believe this! Texting didn't go through.  How do I get a message through to him!

My Mother in law was able to call him out in the waiting room/ lobby area. The next thing I remember, another one of the surgeons that was familiar with my case came in and asked me if I'd ever had any problems with my Aorta? To which I was thinking oh this is just another one of many questions they are going to pepper me with.  No!  Never had to worry about that!  I'm thinking, glad that was an easy one to answer! She then replied that I do now.  She said they'd found an aneurysm on my aorta.  That was it, I started to cry. She said I am so sorry, it seems like all I have to tell you is bad news. She left me to  myself, as my mother in law was out in the lobby.  I just laid there crying and asking God if I was falling apart and going to die.  I mean how often do you hear cause of death, aneurysm or blood clot to the lungs?  And here I have both!

A nurse was able to locate my MIL and she joined me as doctors began to talk about my situation and ask questions about what I'd already been through.  I remember the Ob/Gyn on call saw I was emotional and held my hand as a gesture of comfort as we discussed my case.  He then told me I was between a rock in a hard place and that my situation was a rare one!  Because of the previous surgeries in my abdomen if they put me on blood thinners to treat the clot it would leave me vulnerable to internal bleeding. But, if they did not deal with the clot to my lungs (with blood thinners) then more clots could develop and that would be dangerous!  As my husband says, "You don't want a medical phenomena named after you".

They called a Hematologist to my case and admitted me to the hospital- the 6th floor, same floor as before!  I already knew the nurses and actually looked for the ones I knew!  Some comfort, for a very confusing, emotional night!  During the time of diagnosis, I figured out a way to instant message my pastor and his wife through the wi-fi at the hospital and notified them that I was being admitted to the hospital.  The nurses wheeled me up to the 6th floor and I wasn't in my room more than 5 minutes when in walks Pastor Chad!  He said with confidence that he's see God shrink tumors and heal!  This was the confidence I needed at that very time!  His prayer of faith in a God who is able to do so much more than I can begin to wrap my mind around was contagious!  And if anything's contagious in the hospital, you want it to be FAITH!!

I was admitted to Aultman Hospital on Tuesday evening August 19th.  My husband drove through the night from Va. to be at the hospital with me the next morning.  He barely got home and showered and was there by my side! The days there are kind of a blur. I can remember having good days and bad days.  I would be crying and Steve would somehow get me to go from crying to laughing while I still had tears forming in my eyes!  (How'd he do that?)

I remember one evening at supper time, Steve wasn't able to get there with Michael for a little while yet as the lawn was being mowed.  So I sat there with my supper tray and began to feel like I was never going to get better. Scared and lonely and sad. Right then at that very moment Julie Hickman called me.  She was a volunteer who worked with me all last year in Bible Quizzing.  Towards the end of the quizzing year I found out she is a Christian counselor.  Her timing couldn't have been more of a God thing!  She was able to help me to see how much God was taking care of me and advised me to not be afraid to let my son see me living out my faith.  Not to hide or try to protect him from this trauma.  By the end of our phone call, I knew God's love was there with me and I didn't feel alone anymore!  God sent Julie to counsel me and help me lift my eyes above the situation and to look to the Healer, Counselor, and Friend who loves me more than I can begin to know!!

I wrote about one night in particular when I was anxious after moving to a different room and how God took care of that, this is what I shared on Facebook.:
"Last night, as I was waiting for a final blood draw so I could go to sleep it began again. Fear. I turned out the lights and the machinery behind my hospital bed was like a very bright night light beaming down. It started as what if I can't get to sleep because of this bright light, and escalated from there. 

..The next fear was being alone. Then fear of this and that. Then I realized it was Wednesday and the last two Thrs in a row I'd hemorrhaged. Tomorrow is Thursday I thought!

I started feeling hot all over. My stomached was nauseated. I felt a tightness constrict my body and it was hard to just breathe. At that point the nurse for the blood draw walked in. She was very kind as I explained I was having some anxiety issues and asked her to come back in 5min. She very kindly and graciously agreed to my terms.

All I could pray was God please help! Then called for my nurse. I explained to her about the last 2 Thrs . She was so compassionate and understanding. She got me to breathe again and put cool cloths around my neck. She got me the meds I needed and She assured me they were keeping a close eye on me. I'm not sure but I think she's solely assigned to me, because any need I have she's here in like under a min. I told her she was spoiling me when I first got moved to this room!

Someway, somehow, my body relaxed from the tension and I could breathe normal. I was able to think of all the prayers going up in my behalf. Prayers for complete healing. I rested in that thought that God was able to heal that artery inside of me that had been bleeding.

I tell you all of this because right now more than ever I am walking a faith walk. There are valleys of fear, but didn't David say, ...even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death you are with me?. God is! He is with me every step of the way. He's using the compassion and concern of a nurse, or a friends prayer or even in the medicines I'm taking. He is with me as the doctors try to figure me out. He is with me in a husband who drives all night so he can be by his wife's side."

Today is Sept.12th, nearly a month out from the frightening night when I learned I have a blood clot on my lungs and an aneurysm on my aorta!  As a side note this past Wed. as it was time to leave for church on my phone chirps this Tornado warning for our county!  My son is like, I'm not going out in this!  And we did hear of one touching down in an area west of our town, just as we were leaving the house.  I told Michael, look, God's going to take care of us!  I thought I was going to die 3 times in the last month, if He took care of me then, He will take care of us now!  Come on, we're going to church!!  Mind you I was using caution and keeping an eye on the radar and on the sky!  We were good, God kept us safe yet again!

So, yes, though many dangers, toils and snares I have already come!
But thank God for his Grace that will lead me home!  My faith may be
small and it may quiver in the wind but my faith is in the God Who created
all. The God Who knows our innermost being.  He never slumbers nor sleeps.
He is my hiding place in the storms of life.  "My shield is God most high, Who saves
the upright in heart." Psalm 7:10

And if our God is for then what could stand against us?

What Is My Lesson In All of This?

    Like so many things in life I hope to learn my lessons the easy way.  But of course I can't always pick the lessons I learn or even if they will be easy lessons or difficult lessons.  I am given the reassurance that God can turn the bad things  into something different and something good.  The popular verse Rom8:28 comes to mind right about now. " And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose.  I don't think this verse means that God only allows good things to happen to us, but that He is capable of taking everything, good and bad and to make something good come out of it.  I heard Joyce Meyer recently talking about when Jesus waited to come to Lazarus' aid and in the mean time he died.  She mentioned that we often question why God allowed such and such to happen.  And that often it isn't even about us.  God may be allowing the situation to happen so that some time down the road we can use that experience to be of help to someone else.

As a dear friend and I were talking, she mentioned that it will be so amazing when we get to Heaven and we see all the pieces that God put together in our lives here on Earth.  Things we didn't even recognize while here will be revealed there.

So as I'm sifting through the pieces of the puzzle to the events that happened in my life in the last month I'm trying to figure out, "What is my lesson in all of this?".  I'm thinking there's several lessons to be learned.  So here goes the list!

The first lesson that comes to mind are all the many times God showed Himself to be real and active in my life!  Which I know I referenced in my last Blog entitled, God Must Really Love Me.  I wrote about the many ways God took care of me in a bad situation that could have been extremely worse than it was!

As some of you may know one week later to the day, on Thrs. Aug.14th/ actually it happened at 12:30a.m on Friday, but in my mind it still felt like Thursday. I had another hemorraging and was taken by ambulance to the local ER at Aultman Hospital.  Thankfully my husband was still in town! This particular incident was every bit as scary as the first that happened in Lancaster, PA.  I was calmer at first because I knew God had taken care of me the last time.  On the ambulance ride in, I kept reciting Ps. 46:1 "God is our refuge a very present help in time of need.".  Thankful that God gave me that verse right when I needed it!

Upon arrival to the ER, a young nurse named Katie assessed the needs and got an ER doctor in to see me. Steve drove in, so when he arrived she was helping me.  Which I think he was exposed to more than what he saw last time. It's kind of a blur in my mind.  I just remember the hemorrhaging and feeling the need to tell Steve I loved him.  He said I said it over and over again and then he said it looked like I was having a seizure.  I remember telling him I love you several times and the pain getting so bad that I couldn't stand it anymore and suddenly everything felt calm, no pain, no anxiety, just peace.  At that moment Steve says he was fearful that he was going to lose me.  The nurse got the ER doctor and he said I had just passed out.  It was brief, only for a few seconds, but the reprieve in the pain and mental anguish was enough to help me get through the hurdle. Another God sighting, even in the midst of pain He allowed me to pass out to give me that reprieve.

The ER doctor notified the Ob/gyn that was on call that I needed emergency surgery.  Now at this point I'd already had two major surgeries, one on July 23 rd a robotic hysterectomy and on Aug 7th the same surgery they were going to do again. Check to make sure no damage in the healing process from the hysterectomy and send a scope in through incision to see where the internal bleeding was occurring. So this was becoming old hat, talking to an anesthesiologist, getting a shower cap put on my head, meeting a surgical team. This time I was scared because I'd had a snack around 9:30 p.m. And I knew they'd need to put that pipe down my throat.  But I knew I'd be out.  Incidently this was around 2:30a.m. And Steve posted on Facebook about this emergency surgery.  Two people were up at that time and saw the post and said they were praying, Mike Gardner and Rose Medley. Thank you to both of you and anyone else out there that was praying!  All I know is I felt I was at the mercy of God, the surgeons and those holding me up to God in prayer!

So, the next morning as I was coming to, my doctor who performed the hysterectomy made his rounds. They still couldn't find where I was bleeding and couldn't guarantee it wouldn't happen again!  That was not reassuring!  And this time my blood count was 6.9. Which meant I'd need a transfusion of 2 pints of blood.

Still in the hospital on Friday for observation and to run tests.  No guarantees, just needs.  I cried out to God to help me. He gave me an awesome nurse named Melissa.  She and I bonded if that is possible. She took the time to be a friend.  She administered the transfusions and allotted extra time to ensure that I didn't have any reactions. No reactions to the blood transfusions praise God! She also had a newspaper delivery background and hit it off with Steve.  We laughed and shared stories and that was such a bright spot!  The next morning was Saturday, and I woke up with a migraine.  The nice thing about being in the hospital is you can take some pretty strong pain killer and anti nausea medicine and you're better in no time!  Little things and big things, God is good!!

This time I was released on Sunday morning to come home.  Shew I'd made it! Still no guarantees of future bleeding.  They did have a game plan in place if the hemorrhaging started again, to rush right into surgery to find the artery that was bleeding, while it was happening.  The human side of me sees this as no guarantees, but the hope in me from God sees there were people all over the place praying for me, sharing my need with their churches.  I have no idea how many people were praying but I'm sure it was in the hundreds.  All I can say, is God is indeed One Who hears and answers prayer!!

I am now 6 weeks out from the original hysterectomy, which they did say that's when complete healing would occur and there would be no more chances of the hemorrhaging happening again!!  I only just realized that on Wed evening before heading out the door to teach my first lesson in Word Warriors to our church kids!  I was ready to have a celebration at that point!!

You know something, when I was in the hospital one of the things that I was thinking about was the logistics of how to get my lessons together for Word Warriors!  It gave me yet another to fight the good fight!  I remember my Mom teaching me that when you're sick and it's easy to focus on self, to find a ministry to give to. And that in return there is a blessing!  Her legacy lives on!  Wed night I was so blessed to see a group of kids excited to learn God's Word and having fun!  God is so good!!!

God Must Really Love Me

Disclaimer: I tried to not to give gross details but this account is not for the squeamish nor the faint of heart.

One week ago I encountered something that tested the very fiber of my faith in God.  To give a backdrop, it started about a month ago.  I was planning for a surgery that I really only wanted a few to know about and to just kind of fly under the radar of anyone knowing I was having surgery.  It was a sense of dignity to keep it to a bare minimum of people to know I was having a hysterectomy.  I remember my Mom having a hysterectomy when I was about Michael's age and she wasn't afraid or embarrassed to talk about it or ask for prayer. I remember feeling so embarrassed  when she'd talk about it that I wanted to crawl under the carpet and hide. I guess now as an adult I still feel that way.  After what happened last week  though I've decided sometimes humiliation is worth the price if it gives you a group of prayer warriors calling on God on your behalf! I've lost that sense of embarrassment, although I don't talk about it in front of my son or certain groups of people.

Earlier in the year I'd had this fantastic dream to take a group of our Bible Quizzers from our church to see the production of Moses at Sight and Sound theater. I knew we would be studying about Moses and I could just see the teaching material I could use based on such an incredible experience! Andee Hansen our children's director/pastor was totally on board with it and in fact if it weren't for all her organizational skills and planning, this trip would not have been a reality!  I've told her numerous times that I owe her BIG time!

The date we picked way back when was Aug.8th.  This was way before I knew about my surgery and where I'd be in the recovery process.  I had exactly 2 weeks to recover before taking this trip.  Others I'd talked to told me they recovered pretty quickly from this robotic type of hysterectomy and I was confident everything would be good.  I never really  felt 100% but I felt good enough to take the trip to Lancaster, PA.

The trip down was un eventful which in retrospect could have turned out totally different had I had any of the complications I had upon arrival!  Note #1 of God's provision!  I talked to Jaymie Schwartz one of the Mom's traveling with two of her kids on the trip.  I told her my Dad  who lived an hour and a half away in Md. was at an earlier showing and that I probably wouldn't see him.  She asked why he went to the earlier show and not the one we were going to be at? I didn't really have an answer other than we didn't know all the details when we were planning and I had told my Dad I really wouldn't be able to visit much because I'd be with a group of kids. So he planned to go to the earlier show.  God's provision #2.

My husband had been down in Va. on business but made arrangements to drive up with my Dad and meet up with us, see the show and help with the drive home. God's provision #3.

When we arrived at Sight and Sound the parking lot attendants had John Earnhardt, our bus driver, to park the church bus right at the curb of the facility.  I mean the parking lot at this place is huge!  How 'd our little church bus get the privilege of parking right at the curb?  God's provision #4!

We exited the bus, my Dad had waited around  (provision #5) to see his grandson and his baby girl. :). Even if it was only for five minutes, we exchanged hugs and I introduced   My Dad to our pastor and his wife,  Chad and Kimberly Current.

We said our good byes and I had our tickets in hand. Finally, getting to see this long awaited dream become a reality!! Then I felt something that I knew wasn't right. In my most composed self I handed our tickets to Kimberly and told her to give them to Steve and that I needed to use the restroom.

Upon arrival to the restroom, I knew this was serious. Somehow, I had enough frame of mind to call my Dad and let him know I needed to get to an Emergency room.  He was still exiting the S&S parking lot. He told me it might take a while because he was in a back up.  Later he told me, he decided to hold his arm out the window to motion for incoming traffic to wait and he did a U turn.  He said no one contested him, people were gracious and let him make that U turn. Provision #6

I was able to exit the facility and make it to Dad's vehicle with dignity.  ( I don't care what you say, I call this provision #7!).  While loading dad's vehicle, John was able to let Michael get our stuff out of the bus.  Andee was on the scene at that point and she came over to give me a hug and prayed for me.  She prayed such a powerful prayer I felt God was there loving me through a friends concern.#8

Steve had his phone set to GPS mode to get us to the closest hospital in Lancaster.  Which I will say Siri failed! But he was able to access GPS with google maps and through some round about detouring we made it to Lancaster General Hospial.  Upon arriving Steve was able to access a wheelchair to take me in.  A dignity saver in front of my son and people in the waiting room.

I confess when we entered LGH, I though this rinky dink hospital will not be able to meet my needs.  I was wrong.  I did have to sit for maybe 15 min.?  At some point a nurse wheeled me into the public restroom to help me.  I will not go into detail other than to say, my dress I'd been wearing was way beyond salvageable.  Steve said she came running out and declared no one was to go in there till housekeeping got in to clean.  I was never so frightened in my life! My BP  after that was elevated and the receiving nurse said when there's a lot of blood loss BP can drop, so she said we'll take elevated BP.  But while experiencing that blood loss I told the nurse I was afraid for her to leave me that I thought I might pass out.  She assured me she would only be gone a min and would bring me some clothes to wear.  She kept her word and remained with me, calming me with her kindness and reassurance that they were going to help me. (Provision ? I'm tearing up remembering how kind she was when I was so frightened). I just want to say I have a new respect for doctors and nurses who are God's hands and feet!  Again I felt God's love, though this time through a stranger.

When they finally had a triage room opened a nurse named Lindsey wheeled me in. A doctor came in and assessed the situation. He ordered a Catscan. Going in for the Catscan they wheeled my stretcher up to the table and asked me to scoot to the table.  I was afraid to move for fear of more blood exiting my body as I was already in a pool of blood.  They had to put a board under me and hoist  me onto the table for the test. As I waited for the machine to do its thing, I stared at a spot on the ceiling and recalled these words,"tis so sweet to trust in Jesus Just to take Him at His word, just in simple faith relying. ...Jesus, Jesus how I trust Him how I've proved Him ore and ore."  I felt God whisper in my ear, you're going to be ok.

After the Catscan, I returned to the triage room.  I felt some extreme pain and reached down to figure out what was happening.  It was so intense I begged Steve to get the doctor.  It felt like an internal organ was exiting my body and I was not about to remain calm!  Apparently it was an enormous blood clot. The doctor tried to examine me and he told me they were sending me to Women's and Babies hospital. He reassured me it was an excellent facility, part of LGH and they would take good care of me.  At that point Lindsey the nurse came in with morphine and something to settle my stomach through the I.V. Maybe this is a small thing, but I get sick to my stomach at the drop of a hat and I was ever so grateful she didn't just give me morphine. Provision #?  Also her concern and compassion was a  huge comfort Provision#?!

Before the ambulance arrived I asked Steve to put the song Take Another Step, by Steven Curtis Chapman on continuous play on my iPod.  Steve was like you don't need to be taking any steps right now!  I explained that I needed it for the mental will to get through all of this.  Having an IPod that still worked after using it for most of a 5 1/2 ride was indeed a blessing. I listened to that song and others during transport to Women's and Babies.  Upon arrival they wheeled me in on stretcher and that made me nervous. Then as I entered the room and Harriet, the nurse introduced herself, I started to feel hot all over.  I told the nurse and she said I was going to be ok, to take deep breaths in through the nose and slowly release through the mouth.  I tried but I was getting more panicky by the moment. I told her I felt tingly in my hands and feet.  She explained I was hyperventilating. And that I needed to continue the deep breaths.  Provision#? So with every ounce of strength that I had in me I dedicated myself to breath!  I did not want to pass out! I listened to my SCC music and trusted God and took another step!

One final bleeding episode occurred and I just tried to hold the blood in.  The nurse told me I needed to let it go.  They would not be able to access my needs if I didn't.  In fear and breathing deep I let go. They witnessed what was happening. Now, this hospital saw what had been going on.

Emergency surgery took place some time around 9:30 which was just enough time from when we'd eaten lunch that they did not have to put a tube down my throat. Provision#? My husband told the anesthesiologist I get anxious when coming out of anesthesia and that I get nauseated too. Provision again! I remember the operating room and for the third time I had to scoot to another table I forgot the X-ray at W&B but that was another scoot ordeal if you will.  By this time I let go of my fear and was able to scoot onto the operating table.


The next thing I remember a nurse named Sherri walking me through every thing step by step as I was waking up.  I felt peace knowing someone was walking me through this!  She let me sleep on my side with the most comfortable cushions for support. I hadn't been able to sleep on my side for weeks!   Steve said this time coming out of anesthesia I was smiling.  I know God had an army of prayer warriors praying on our behalf.  I know He answered those prayers!!

The next morning, the doctor on the floor told me my hemoglobin was at 12 & 1/2 which was as good as anyone walking in off the street!  No blood transfusion, no explanation other than God touched me!!!

My husband stood by my side through all of this.  He was proactive in getting me the medical help I needed.  My Dad was able to take Michael home for the night!  Steve took the initiative to plan a day of rest in Harrisburg before attempting the trip home.  My sister in law provided clothes from her own closet for me to go home in.  I could go on and on.  When I got home my small group from church has cooked for me, taken me to appointments and my Mother in law, dog sat our Dog named Dusty not to mention the times she came over and cleaned my kitchen or took me to an appointment.  The list of good things far outweighs the horrible that happened.  Andee was able to get our tickets upgraded to a weekend viewing of Moses in September! Simply & Honestly, God must really love me!!!!

Remember

Sticky notes are a great way to help me remember when I need to do something!  I just stick it right where I'll see it at the appropriate time and ta da! Mission accomplished!  I don't know how people ever coped with staying on task and remembering what they needed to do without them!  Or another tactic to help me remember is to ask someone else to help me remember to do such and such!  One time I asked my friend Amanda  to help me remember that  I was wearing my seatbelt!  It's a long story and you had to have been there!  But the point is when verbalizing it, it helps me remember! These are the crazy things I do to help with remembering.

Apparently God thinks it's important for us to remember the things He's done in our lives.  Quite often He commanded in the Old Testament not to forget Him or to turn to other gods.  I came across such a passage today in Dueteronomy 8:12-18, "For when you have become full and prosperous and have built fine homes to live in, and when your flocks and herds have become very large and your silver and gold have multiplied along with everything else, be careful!  Do not become proud at that time and forget the LORD your God, who rescued you from slavery in the land of Egypt.  Do not forget that he led you through the great and terrifying wilderness with its poisonous snakes and scorpions, where it was so hot and dry.  He gave you water from the rock!  He fed you with manna in the wilderness, a food unknown to your ancestors.  He did this to humble you and test you for your own good.  He did all this so you would never say to yourself, "I have achieved this wealth with my own strength and energy."  Remember the LORD your God.  He is the one who gives you the power to be successful, in order to fulfill the covenant he confirmed to your ancestors with an oath."

I can recall some times in my own life, though few in comparison to many people, where I have felt like I was at the end of my rope. There was nothing else I could do!  I felt like giving up and discouragement settled in for a long unwanted stay!  But in reflection, or in remembering, God was there!  Even though I felt like I was alone, He was still there!  The beauty of this all is that because of God's day to day help in my life AKA His mercy, His grace and His faithfulness, I have come out on the other side of those hard times!  Though they were not pleasant at the time, those times have drawn me closer to God.  And I am a richer person today because of the work that God has done and is doing in my life!

  I know I've written about restoration before, but for some reason I keep coming back to this topic.  Maybe it's because God wants me to remember!  If I take a long look at myself in the mirror - not literally,  I can see the things God has done and is doing!  Some are small things, but others are huge!  Look at all the things God reminded Moses of when he wrote Dueteronomy.  God rescued the Israelites   from slavery, led them through the wilderness, protected them from snakes and scorpions, in the heat when it was dry He gave them water, when they were hungry God gave them a substance to eat called manna.  In other words God cares about us.  He wants us to remember that!  He wants me to remember how He's taken care of myself and my family in the past and know that He is not going to abandon me now or in the future!

Simply and honestly I am thankful to God that He takes the things that could be seen as obstacles and reasons to give up and transforms them for His purposes.  He teaches us, tests us and in all of that testing He removes the things in our lives that detract from His beauty in us.

Some verses to sticky note for me are:

Job 23:10
"But  he knows the way I take;
when he has tested me, I will come forth as gold."

Lamentations 3:19-23
I remember my affliction and my wandering,
the bitterness and the gall
I well remember them,
and my soul is  downcast within me.
Yet this I call to mind
and therefore I have hope:
Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed,
for his compassions never fail.
They are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness.

No Regrets

Well it's summer and I feel I've been taking a summer vacation from this blog thing.
Just throwing some miscellaneous thoughts out there for what they're worth!

Time together as a family and as a couple is precious.  Snatch it up every opportunity you get!  Live with no regrets.  When my Mom was in the hospital and we knew our time with her was limited, we recounted the times we'd had together.  Especially those extra special summer trips that we took together as a family.  Ok, I'm tearing  up.  Need to move on.  But make the most of your days because it can all change so quickly and unexpectedly.


 I just finished reading a book entitled Playing For Keeps.  My Cliff notes version: if you want to influence children or teens - be they your own son or daughter or someone else's kids you're ministering to, have fun together!  When you take time to get on their level, even at the risk of looking silly or goofy to onlookers, you have a profound opportunity to impact their lives.  They are more likely to listen when you want to share whatever truth God is laying on your heart when you take time to become as one of these!  Again that's my paraphrase, but in a nut shell what I took away from the book.  Also from the book, the action of jumping automatically triggers the playful portion of the brain.  So the book recommends doing jumping jacks with kids when you're stalled for what to do.  Another interesting fact backed up by research shared in this book is that the opposite of play time or exercise time is not work, it is depression.  So in my surmising if you or I start getting the blues we should get  up and exercise!

I'm just sitting here taking in God's creation.  Feeling blessed beyond what I could ever deserve. I am literally seeing grey skies and water both turn blue!  This thought occurs to me.  God is an awesome Creator.  If you question if there is a God or not, just look at the variety!  Not just in landscapes but in each of us as individuals.  I just read a friends post that mentioned a moonlight walk on the beach and seeing the night skies light up with all the stars.  She mentioned that was Heaven on earth for her.  And doesn't that sound spectacular?  I do love those things, but even more if you've  seen my Facebook page you'd know my Heaven on earth are the Rocky Mountains, especially the ones in Glacier National Park, Montana!!  God made us all unique and He made enough things in Creation to whet our appetite for what Heaven will be like someday.

If you're thinking it's all a bunch of foolishness, may I share a recent experience, much to my chagrin?  Recently upon driving in an unfamiliar part of Cleveland, I received a speeding ticket.  At the time I had no idea I'd been speeding or that I'd been caught speeding.  About a month after the event occurred, there with picture and clocked speed was my ticket in the mail!  Now when I'd committed the offense I thought little of it.  But there it was and I was guilty.  Now in their humanness, they charged my husband with the offense because I was driving his vehicle-that's a whole other story.  But my point is this: someday, we will be standing before God.  If we have not recognized God for who He is in this life and asked Him to forgive us of the wrong things we've done, there will be no argument about your innocence.  He will have the evidence there in an undeniable way.  Nothing's happened here maybe as punishment for sins committed or maybe it has, but the Bible is very clear that one day every knee will bow and every tongue will confess that Jesus is Lord.  For many when they have delayed declaring Jesus as Lord, in this life, it will be too late.  Because just as there is a Heaven, there is also an eternal punishment in Hell.  I share this as a reminder to live this life with no regrets.  Take a moment or however long you need to recognize God for the Creator that He is.  He made you and me!  He loves us infinitely more than we can fathom!  Ask Him to show Himself to you!  He will do that!  All we have to do. Is believe in Him and ask for forgiveness for the things we've done that are wrong.

I'm loving this summer and the time to reflect!  Live each day to the fullest!!  No regrets!!!

A Song For Mike

Why do I do what I do?  I've contemplated that question today.  During the course of the day, there were a couple of Aha moments. During those moments I began to realize the importance of being a Mom and the value of doing what I do.  It may be slow and gradual, but God is showing me that the little things we work on in a day do grow into bigger things!

For starters my friend Amanda and I had gotten together for some girl time. :)  We ate together, shared current events, encouraged each other and even solved some of the worlds problems!  At the end of our visit, she reminded me of the app that shows you how many weeks you have left with your child.  It's based on their birth date and graduation.  I quickly looked up how many weeks I/we have with Michael and there was a sobering 261 weeks!  That was the first Aha moment.

After school, Michael had some down time then we headed out the door to Grandma's house.  She was having us over for dinner, but I like to multitask, so while she cooked supper, Michael worked on homework and I mowed her lawn.

On our way to my Mother in law's house, I noticed Michael's attitude needed some adjusting.  I did find out that in this last full week of school the teachers piled on the homework and projects.  Guess they want to end the year in a bang!  He was upset because he was feeling overwhelmed by all the projects due this week.  I tried reassuring him that I would help him with it.  I advised him on working on what was due first and to take it one step at a time.  I pointed out that I would guide him, not do his work for him, just help point him in the right direction.  He wanted none of it.  He wants to be independent.  It's so hard as a Mom to let go!

We got to Mom's house and Michael quickly set up his work station.  After mowing, and before supper, I tried to pry some information from him.  Just seeing how things were going.  This was met with opposition, to which I dug in my heels and decided, I'm the Mom and I set the rules.  Both of us on a stubborn streak, neither of us budging.  I prayed, "God what do I do here?". That's when I realized more than working on any homework assignment, we needed to work on attitudes.  One simple question came to mind.  What would Jesus do?  I know it was God giving me the answer to my short, yet urgent request.  What would Jesus do?  I mean he's not Jesus and I'm certainly no Mary the mother of Jesus.  But I really wanted both of us to contemplate it.  That was Aha moment number two.

I asked Michael, "What would Jesus do?".  Still no change in the attitude.  I told him I would not comply to his rudely offered request until he figured out the answer to that question (and demonstrated it).  The question just hung in the air and I waited in silence as the wheels were turning in his brain.  Finally the light began to dawn.  He made his request of me in a polite tone of voice and he even said please.  :)  This time I immediately complied!

After supper, Michael went back to his homework session.  One assignment was to find 5 songs that represent who you are.  To which I quickly started singing one that's my theme song "cause I got a few dents in my fender, got a couple rips in my jeans."  Then we started thinking of songs that would represent Michael.  For me the assignment was easy and I could have done it in a flash, but my son is a different bird- takes after his Dad!  We came up with some fun songs like Oh Chihuahua! and a couple of silly type songs.  But were there any songs of the Christian genre that represent who Michael is?  He finally admitted that he likes some of Steven Curtis Chapman's music.  To which my heart was doing a happy dance, but I remained calm on the outside.  He couldn't think of the title, so he told me some of the words from the song.  I quickly gave him the title, Do Everything

Aha moment number 3!Here I didn't think he had a song and he picks the Grand Daddy of them all for meaning and purpose!  Michael chose wisely and from a Mother's heart I hope that desire never changes!

So why do I do what I do?  To bring glory to God!  Whether it's laundry, mowing the lawn,.. well I'll just let SCC give you a better idea.  This is the verse that Michael remembered::

Do Everything
. . .
Maybe your that guy with the suit and the tie
Maybe your shirt says your name

You may be hooking up mergers
cooking up burgers
But at the end of the day

Little Stuff
Big Stuff
In between stuff
God sees it all the same

While I may not know you
I bet I know you
wonder sometimes, Does it matter at all?
Well let me remind you, it all matters just as long
As you do everything you do to the glory of the One who made you
Cause He made you

Small, Everyday Miracles

Little by little God is growing me!  It's true!  This morning upon waking, my head throbbing, my body weary from a fitful night's sleep and thinking about the task at hand, I just cried out to God for the strength to do it without complaining.  He so graciously answered that heartfelt prayer!

As I was driving in the car, I began to reflect on how God gave me the help I needed this morning to just do the necessary things to get my son out the door, care for the dog, get ready and tough it out without any pain med  or food till I got through with my blood work! 

I also recalled a phrase I came across when I was reading in the Bible taken from Mark 6:51-52 "Then He climbed into the boat, and the wind stopped. They were totally amazed, for they still didn't understand the significance of the miracle of the loaves.  Their hearts were too hard to take it in."  The phrase, "...for they still didn't understand the significance of the miracle of the loaves." played over in my head.

Upon thinking of this scripture I witnessed something when we were attending Kenmore Alliance Church up in Tonawanda, NY.  The event left me and another onlooker shocked!  We as a family were heavily involved in AWANA, the church's children's program that met on Wed. nights.  One particular Wed. night, we were having some kind of party in which several of us were asked to bring some kind of snack cakes to pass out to the kids.  Well it was one of those nights where several people at the last minute, couldn't make it due to sickness or unforeseen events and so those of us who did show up brought our snack cakes to pass out.  But we were short on supplies.  There was no time to go to the store.  The cakes were placed on the table to serve and the kids came through to grab them.  A lady and I looked at the line up of kids and the amount of snack cakes on the table and we were both like, there's no way there will be enough cakes to go around for all these kids!  To our amazement every child went through that line and got a snack cake!  I seem to recall there were even a couple leftover!  

It would be easy to rationalize or explain that away, but I personally witnessed it!  There is no doubt in my mind, God performed a small miracle that night!  It is so easy to forget the little things God does, answers to prayer,His mercies that are new every morning, help in the night when fighting a headache and in last night's case no way to take any of my normal pain medicine, just rely on God!  Now I will say this, my dear friend Joy Walton shared with me some of her herbal oil for sinus issues.  I did have that available and some icy hot and so I was able to use those items for my headache.  I am incredibly thankful to Joy, because I was living on sinus meds and since I've been using the R.C. oil I've drastically cut back the amount of sinus/allergy meds I was taking!!  Again one of those small miracles if you will that God has brought to me!

As I was driving I was also thinking of my friend Amanda Quinn.  She had requested prayer because her daughter needed to see a specialist. In the weeks that had passed while waiting for the appointment, she received a call from the hospital that there were some complications with the insurance coverage.  She asked the small group I attend to please pray that the insurance coverage would go through. Well, her daughter's appointment is today and as of yesterday, 8 days after she'd requested prayer she got a call and the insurance company did approve the visit with the specialist!  Again, some could rationalize or explain this away, but when God takes care of His children, you can't deny it!!!

Simply and Honestly I'm thankful for small, everyday kind of miracles!  There's a song that pleas with God, Open the eyes of my heart Lord, Open the Eyes of my heart, I want to see you.  I want to see you....  My prayer for myself, is that God will help me to see the significance of the little everyday miracles He does in my life!

Vacation Reflections

Ok from the title you might be misled, so I will just say it goes much deeper than remembering vacation memories!  We were blessed my husband, Steve, my son, Michael and myself to go on a vacation to sunny Florida.  If you saw my last blog entitled "Just Beneath the Bitter Snow", you'll know that we had a rough winter here in NE Ohio, as did much of the U.S.!  Funny thing was, while in Orlando visiting Walt Disney World, there were a lot of people there from Ohio!

On this fun filled vacation we did go to several of the Disney theme parks and had a blast! We did however squeeze in some time to visit family members both on Steve's side at the beginning and my side at the end of our trip.  While visiting with Steve's second cousins we did learn of several family members whose marriages ended in divorce and several lives that were affected by alcohol.  It made us sad to hear of homes that were ruined because someone was addicted to alcohol.

That was how we began our trip to sunny Florida.  Kind of like a wake up call to be vigilant and to hold on to each other!  This June Steve and I will have been married  for 18 years!  I can't say it's always been chocolates and roses, because it hasn't!  We've had our share of differences, but we can both trace a line back to God that has held us together!  When you take two opposite people and bring them together to make a whole, there are times I look at my the other half and say, why does he do it that way?!  I know there've been a couple times I've driven Steve crazy with how I've said or done something. Mind you, just a few!  But then there are those times when I sit back and watch him do things that are entirely not in my area of expertise and I am blown away!  Through it all, we can honestly say, if we did not have a God who helped us look beyond ourselves and look to the needs of the other, we would be another marriage statistic that ended in divorce.  There are so many things out there to eat away at the foundation of even the best of marriages.  It takes a power bigger than myself to say, I forgive.  And that's just for the little stuff!

Our time together as a family visiting Disney was so much fun!  We rode rides together, unless I was too chicken!  But the nice thing about Michael being a teenager is that he is up for riding those crazy, wild roller coasters!  I like my feet planted firmly on the ground, thank you very much! We made some fantastic memories that still make us laugh!  We did take some time each day to read a devotional together and talk about it and to pray for each other.  Those were special times!  These are the things that are deposited into our memory banks!

Our time at the parks came to an end much too soon!  We headed south to see my cousins and my grandparents down in Hobe Sound, Fl.  It was so amazing to see my  cousins Charlie and Morgan who've chosen to live for Christ, and raise their children to know and love God.  It warmed my heart!  Also, Amy and Josh  are just great examples of parents who are raising their kids in the same way!  What a great thing to share that common thread that we have, the difference that Jesus makes in our families and in our marriages!

A final highlight was the time we got to spend with my grandparents.  This was yet another deposit into our memory banks.  My son got to visit with his great grand parents!  I so love them and am so thankful for their faithful example to 68 years of marriage (Ok it will be 68 in June)!  They've done everything together, from being a Pastor, to farming to owning and operating a family diner, to caring for their daughter after she was diagnosed with brain cancer.  They have always been hard working, salt of the earth kind of people!  Not perfect- but in my mind, pretty close!  My memories of them singing in church and their prayers that touched Heaven will be forever etched in my memory!

The funny thing is, is that God doesn't have any grandchildren!  We are all either His children, or we are not!  I cannot claim to have any closer walk with God because of my heritage anymore than Steve can claim that he is a victim of alcohol.  We each must make our choice. Our theme verse in our wedding was Joshua 24:15 "But if serving the LORD seems undesirable to you, then choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve whether the gods your ancestors served beyond the Euphrates, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land you are living.  But as for me and my household, we will serve the LORD."

Steve has chosen to break the cycle and not to be a victim of alcohol like his Dad was.  Steve has chosen to love and serve God!  I have chosen to not be a victim of being a  3rd or 4th generation, ho hum Christian.  We have chosen to cherish each other come what may!  Simply and honestly I am thankful to God that He gives the power to choose what is good and what is right.  It's a choice that we must make every day.  But as for me and my household, we will serve the LORD!

Just Beneath the Bitter Snow

If absence makes the heart grow fonder, then we Ohioans are truly ready for some warmer weather!  I've determined in my heart that I am not going to complain about the weather we've been given!  Growing up in Md. we'd get a rough winter on a rare occurrence but even then the heavy snows would melt and warmer weather would come back pretty quickly relatively speaking.

But I married a newspaper man and he took me even further south with his job.  We lived down south for the first six years of our marriage.  That just meant an occasional dusting of snow or some ice.  Again the cold would be there briefly and it would warm up to the 40's or even the 50's.  Then we moved from our beautiful home in Tn. to Buffalo, NY!  So that was kind of a shock!  We did live just above the snow belt so when the "south towns" got dumped on, we got significantly less snow! It was frigid in the winter, but being Buffalo, it was expected and you just toughened up and got through it! School cancellations because of snow where a rarity.  And don't park out on the street because the snow plows needed to get through!

Now fast forward to our family living in NE Ohio.  This year marks our fifth year to experience winter here in Ohio.  I've got to say this past winter of Nov2013- March 2014 has been the longest, coldest and snowiest winter of my life!  I think because I have determined to not be a complainer I have looked for what could be the positives from all this snow and cold.  So the following will be my observations and my lessons I'm learning during this winter of my life.

For starters when snow comes to the south it's usually right around freezing or just a little below.  I know this winter just about everywhere has been much harder for everyone. (I just saw a friend posted from Texas they just went from 80 degrees on Saturday to 19 degrees  and snow on the ground on Sunday!)  So I know this harsh winter is  not just here in Ohio!  But when the temperatures drop to the teens or single digits the snow does something absolutely stunningly beautiful.  There are these diamonds in the snow.  It's beautiful and it's harsh at the same time!  Out of something so cold and extreme can come something so breathtakingly beautiful!  I've tried capturing it in photos and I just can't get it with the capabilities I have anyway.  But every time I see that beauty I'm reminded of Heaven!  Maybe because my Mom is there and I am sure  there are some siblings that Michael has up there too.  But in the harshness of this life there is something beautiful to cling to!  Heaven!  It is way more dear to my heart theses days!


Another thing observed this winter, goes back to last winter.  I had trimmed our rose bushes a little too much in the Fall of 2012.  When Spring/Summer of 2013 came There was no life in those rose bushes. I had done them in. But rather than dig them up and get rid of them I decided to see if they would come back with some prodding.  Two of the three did come back, but it took all summer for them to come back to life!  Finally at the tail end of summer, no actually this was late in Oct. my one rose bush got 6 huge buds!  I checked on them daily, waiting, hoping in joyful expectation of when those buds would open up and bloom.  They never did bloom and I in fear never did trim back those rose bushes this past Fall.  When Thanksgiving rolled around those buds were still there and I have a picture of 3 pumpkins by the rose bush with a dusting of snow on the ground.  All winter long I've looked out the front window and have seen those huge rose buds covered in snow!  There's a song entitled The Rose   The last verse of the song is as follows:

 When the night has been too lonely

And the road has been too long,

And you think that love is only

For the lucky and the strong,

Just remember in the winter

Far beneath the bitter snows

Lies the seed that with the sun's love

In the spring becomes the rose.

Regeneration is the name of a group my brother and I listened to during the late 70's and early 80's s. They sang a version of The Rose that I still remember to this day, because at the end of that last verse they added "Oh love of God how rich and pure.  It shall forever more endure.  Just remember in the winter, far beneath the bitter snow, lies the seed that with the SON's love in the spring becomes the rose.

Simply and honestly I am so thankful that with the love of Jesus in my life and in yours too, that He makes all things new!  I think after this longest, coldest and snowiest of winters of my life that Spring holds a greater promise!  Looking for the blooms to blossom and it won't be long now!

a

Sleep Deprived and Still Alive!

    Well here I am in the middle of the night and this comic pretty wells spells it out for you!  Whoever came up with this one sure knew what they were talking about!  All kinds of ideas, plans and thoughts run through my mind when I can't sleep.  Some of my best ideas come at this insane time of day or should I say night!  Thoughts on things I can do with Michael, or maybe it's a new recipe I read and I think about what night I want to make that one for supper.  Or just crazy stuff about something funny that happened and yes sometimes I think about the worlds problems and try to solve them.  Always with the reminder in the back of my mind from Bella, my Taiwanese friend, "Don't think too much" and then the thought I think too much!  Ha!  The irony of it!  Thinking too much about thinking too much!  I think right about now I'll break out into Heeey Macarena!

    After tossing and turning I finally decided to get up and put some of these thought processes into something.  As I type I think my brain is slooowly unwinding. So, does anyone else out there have this same "gifting" of not being able to sleep very well at night?  What to do about it?  Suggestions, anyone? Please!  Let me just say, I've tried it all, sleep evaluation, Melatonin, Ambien, Lunesta, Tylenol PM, natural herbal stuff. What I've found that works best for me is to get up out of bed, ugh and go read.  More often than not I turn on some old reruns of I Love Lucy and put the sleep timer on.  That usually does the trick.  But it's still disrupted sleep and it's not quality sleep.  By the time it's time to get up and make sure my son has breakfast and is ready for school, I'm like a zombie.  Poor kid what kind of things will he remember about his mother when he's grown and on his own? (I'm digressing)

 Wish I could say I get up and pray in the night watches or that I read my Bible when I get up.  Confession- I do try to do that.  Prayer gets me worked up and then I'm so ratcheted up that I really can't get my mind to go back to sleep or just plain go to sleep in the first place!  There's a time and place for prayer- usually throughout my day as things come up, I've got this ongoing conversation with God.  And I am making concerted efforts to have a block of time every day to just focus on praying.   My brother pointed out to me and I was totally convicted, that Jesus took time away to pray.  I can even tell you it's in Mark chapter 1 without even looking it up.  So yeah, I should have known that!  Sometimes you just need someone who loves you enough to tell you the challenging truth!  Thanks Douglas Arnold! 

Reading the Bible in the middle of the night?  Yes that works!    Not just reading it to read it.  But really thinking about it.  Maybe this sounds like a contradiction  but the more I read it and think about what I'm reading the more my mind winds down.  Asking questions, digging for answers to understand what I'm reading better. Checking it in several versions, it works!  Reading commentary on what I'm questioning.  Take for example the other night, (in my read through the Bible on a 2 year plan) I'm reading in Genesis about when Abraham sends his servant off to his homeland to find a wife for his son Issac.  His servant no more than finishes praying for God's guidance when out comes Rebekah. Just as he prayed for a sign as to whom would be the right one to be the wife of his boss's son, she offers to give him water and to water his camels too. So my mind is thinking ok, she is Issacs uncle's daughter.  Then I'm trying to see if I've got that right and before you know it, I'm asleep.  Glasses on, iPad on- glad it turns off after what 30 seconds?.  So yeah that works!

So in my normal quote when I remember to put it in here, simply and honestly the bottom line is this, you can't go wrong with searching through the Bible.  I've gotten all modern with my Bible reading, using my iPad with a tracker.  In my teen years I grew up with a regular hard cover copy of the Bible and later graduated to leather and now I'm all electronic in my Bible reading.  However you do it, if your reading it and thinking about it and it's God's Word, it works!

In closing what better way to close than to share one of my favorites to read in the middle of the night. When I really think about it the author of this Psalm must have had sleep issues too.  You'll see what I mean.  It's Psalm 16.  I'm just sharing verses 7-9 but the whole Psalm has some great things to think about when you're trying to fall asleep.  Ok enough of my words!

I will praise the LORD, who counsels me;

even at night my heart instructs me.

I keep my eyes always on the LORD.

With him at my right hand, I will not be shaken

Therefore my heart is glad and my tongue rejoices;

my body also will rest secure,